What Came First, the Idiot or the Question?

Alright, so I haven't posted in quite sometime, and have been sitting on a really good story from my old job, so I figure why not share it. Now of course, not all of you may find this funny, but if you are looking for a really good reason to be ashamed of being American, then please read on.

Ever have one of those moments where you're standing around, or watching TV, and you catch the last teensy-weensy (yes, thats right, I said teensy-weensy...bite me) bit of a news broadcast or some assumedly educated person's conversation? And as you catch that little last bit you listen so attentivly that you now feel that without hearing the whole story, you are now able to pretend to be educated on the subject as well, whatever it may be?

Well, news flash. Next time check your facts before you go sharing them.

Here's how it went down boys and girls...

It was a monday night, real slow at the old restaurant, and I was standing at the bar waiting for a table to clean, when out of nowhere we fellow busboy comes up next to me, grabs a lemon-wedge in his left hand, a lime-wedge in his right hand, and allows this gem from the slow, leaky drip of idiocy from his brain to leak out of his mouth:

(The following convo is as best as I can remember it)

Him: "Hey, I bet you didn't know this"

Me: "Know what?"

Him: (with a big grin on his face) "I bet you didn't know that limes" (raises lime for effect, I suppose) "are nuttin' more then unripe lemons" (raises lemon)

Me: (Not entirely sure if he is really that stupid or just REALLY bored) "Haha. Wait, what?"

Him: (Even bigger staisfied grin now) "See, I told ya you didn't know! Limes are just unripe lemons!"

**At this point I could have very well walked away laughing, or, to save face for him at least, given him the "oooook, whatever" and still walked away. But, I was bored, and planned on quitting soon anyway, so I figured, as long as I'm being paid 6.50 an hour, I may as well enjoy it.**

Me: (Preparing to knock on his head to see if its hollow) "No. No, they're not. They're two completely different fruits."

Him: "Nuh-uh! No they ain't."

Me: "Yeah, they are, they are both citrus, but they don't even grow from the same tree."

**Alright, so at this point let me ask you this. If you were him would you:
A) Say "Fuck you" and walk away
B) Say "Whatever and walk away
C) Just walk away
D) Continue the argument, supplying what you think to be even more proof of your point?

In case you're curious, he chose D**

Him: "Aight, look, what color is a fruit when it ain't ripe yet?"

Me: (Seeing where he is going with this, and humoring him for my own enjoyment) "Green."

Him: (Thinking hes gaining the upper hand) "Alright, see...and how about this...which is smaller, a lemon or a lime?"

Me: "Lime."

Him: "See? Its smaller cuz it ain't ripe yet!"

Me: (Deciding that proving him wrong is now not only a necessity, but a community service) "Alright, first off, look at the inside of the fruit, they don't look the same. Secondly, they don't grow on the same trees, and thirdly ask anybody else here and they'll tell you you're wrong."

**After making that assumption I was more praying for myself then for him, because the caliber of co-worker I had could have easily let me down at this point**

Him: (turning towards a female server) "Alright, hey, ain't a lime just an unripe lemon?"

Her: "No. Are you stupid?" (she began to laugh as he started his explination again)

Him: "Whatever, I know I'm right."

Me: (Finally deciding that its due time to make some money) "Fine, I'll bet you the 3 dollars in my back pocket you are wrong."

Him: "Hell, I'll bet you $1,000 I'm right."

**Ok, so maybe I'm a bad person for accepting this bet. In our state a handshake is a legally binding verbal agreement. Did I give him too much credit in assuming he knew this, or knew he had no idea and took advantage of him?

So maybe I'm a worse person for making him shake on it. Shoot me!**

Me: (After shaking his hand, asking several co-workers who all proved my point) "See, you're wrong, and now you owe me $1,000! That's like 4 paycheck, sweet!"

Him: (Now realizing that after he heard his trippy little friends lemon/lime debate he probably should have this astounding knowledge to himself) "I don't owe you shit."

Me: "Yah, but in Ohio a handshake is merely an unripe legally binding contract!" (Yes, I could barely get that one out without laughing)

Him: (trying to save some serious face) "Fine take me to court, I'll shoot yo' ass. I was just kidding anyway, it was one of them rhetorical questions."

Me: (realizing this convo is going make me die from laughter if I don't end it soon) "Ok first off it wasn't even a question, it was a statement, and secondly it definitly wasn't rhetorical...do you even know what rhetorical means?"

Him: (Getting very angry) "You know what? Fuck you!" (and he stormed away)

**ah, finally, option "A"**

So yah, that was quite a night at work...I really needed a good laugh too. But I can't just thank him, I think I have to thank, in part, the American education system. I mean he was my age so he had been through grades K-12 and had graduated high school, so I mean that should be proof of the top-notch level of education these facilities are pumping out.

Regardless, God bless america, and the several foreign islands that, one day, after fully-ripening, can become huge, full-fledged continents as great as the one we live in!

-Rudy

Signs of the Apocalypse #678

Here's something that might catch all y'alls interest.

http://www.mathcaddy.com/windowsxpbootsonamac!!!!1/

It's the end of the world as we know it.

Enjoy.

~Rudy

The Dudzys

Yes, thats right, some people can't wait for the Grammy Awards, other people live, eat and breath the Oscar Ceremonies...but here in my humble abode, I was proud to be host last evening to a rare, once in a lifetime event the aptly named "Dudzy Awards"

What is a Dudzy Award?

Well basically we had the second-half of what was a cut short cast party for the cast of King O' The Moon at my house last night. The whole cast came together, and even though we've only be seperated about 2 weeks, it was really nice to see them all again. We sat around, ate pizza (courtesy of Pizza Pan and their buy 1 large pizza get 2 free deal), drank beer, watched the DVD of our show (basically turning our hard work into a semi-parody of MST3K) and I made a speech which included thanking everyone for their hard work and dedication on the show, as well as presenting each cast member a personalized "Cast CD" AND a personalized joke-award. Because the author of King O' The Moon's name is Tom Dudzick, these awards, as previously stated were aptly named "The Dudzy Awards".

Everyone really liked them, and even though most people reading this won't appreciate it, I'll recap the winners:

Char C. - The Underline, Underline, Underline Award
Bob F. - The "I Wish I Could Quit You" Award
Michael G. - The Rice Krispies Beginner Book Dictionary Awarfd
Emily G. - The "I'll Never Forget My Spanking Good Time In Florida" Award
Ben D. - The True "King O' The MOON" Award
Stacy S. - The Mary Kay Buns O' Steele Award

and since, I could not make an award for myself, my fellow cast members awarded me an unexpected Dudzy of my own...

Rudy P. - Making The End of a Marraige Rhyme with "Clitoris" Award

I didn't write it, I'm just sharing it with you all.

Either way it was great to see them all again, and Michael and Emily spent the night, deciding to join me today on my radio show JB and Dan In The Morning on Black Squirrel Radio out of Kent, OH.

If you ever want to listen to that, and you are actually amongst the awake and living at 8am to 10am on a saturday morning (thats Eastern Standard Time), all you have to do is this...

1. Open Windows Media Player (ITunes if you're a MAC user)
2.Go to file (at this point you're on your own with ITunes, sorry)
3. Click "Open URL"
4. Insert "http://streamer.jmc.kent.edu"(make sure you don't copy the " ")
5.Listen, enjoy, and possibly call in to talk with us.

It's that easy.

Either way, I'm exhausted, and hungry so it Scooby-Doo Mac & Cheese, and then bed for me cuz, even though I'm ill, I have work tomorrow!

~Rudy

Its about time

Ah, yah see that? Huh, do you ya? You see that right there, below this post but above Blog #5???

if you don't see anything, then you see exactly what I'm talking about.

Like I said in my first blog I have a really hard time keeping commited to these things, and yesterday I was so exhausted when I got home from work, but I had alot of other things to do, and if I hand't decided to post the away message that had the link to this blog in it today, just minutes ago, I wouldn't even be writing this post.

But I must admit, this is kind of fun to do.

I'll probably update more late, however now I am ofdf to buy my copy of RENT on dvd!!

WooHoo!

A New Concept

Wow, I'm on break...for an hour and a half! That's awesome...but I guess its the least they can do for someone who has worked 27.5 hours so far in the first 4 days on the job (shooting for about 38-40hrs by the end of the week...yay overtime!)

Before I go clean up and get ready to head back heres a convo proving my boss's brilliance:

Me: Hey {My Boss}, do I have to shave all my facial hair?

My Boss: yes.

Me: Oh, so only servers can have goatees and beards?

My Boss: no.

Me: Well, some of them do, and I want to grow a goatee

My Boss: Well, you have to have one, I can't have you in the growing phases

Me: How else do you get a goatee though? You have to grow it to get it don't you?

At that point my boss turned around and walked away after giving me a confused look.

God I hate my job.

~Rudy

Today's Word is : Bitch Work

Alright, so the word today is "Bitch Work"

What does that mean do you ask? Well my definition of Bitch Work is the current job position I hold. I work at Abuelo's Mexican Food Embassy, a really fancy sounding name for a really basic, new to the market upscaled Taco Bell, with help whose IQ, discluding myself, adds up to probably a whopping 6, maybe 7, but that's being nice.

Instead of doing what I love, acting, and trying to make a living at it, I've taken the road less traveled, withdrawn from my univeristy for the remainder of the year, put a hold on acting altogether, and devoted my life to work...well, moreso making money...but in that pursuit, the bitch work I am currently enduring.

I have to bus tables, greet customers, clean up their dirty dishes in the back with my bare hands, and thats just starters. If you want to experience how that feels, go to a friends house for dinner, make sure its something messy like Sloppy Joes or Spaghetti, something that requires alot of fork/spoon-in-mouth and saliva action, if you're friends grandparents with the fake teeth can come thats always a plus, and then offer to clean their dishes. The catch, if not bad enough already is you can't use any sopa or water until you've used the silverware to remove all the food from all the plates, and you can't use your own, you have to use someone elses.

Fun, eh?

Along with that privlege, I'm on my feet for 7-8 hrs straight, have to take out immense amounts of garbage, and to top it all off when the restaurant closes at midnight, on average, I'm there till 1:30-2am folding silverware for the next day's work (tonight I got lucky and got out early).

The true definition of my job in one sentence? What you don't eat, I get to wear.

But it's not all bad, had some visitors tonight. Michael and Emily Gaare, close friends of mine who I had the amazing privlege of co-starring with on stage in King O' The Moon, more on that in a bit, as well as my parents, and surprislingly enough a woman whom I vaguely remembered, but who remembered me from King O' The Moon, and she made a special effort to inform me of such.

So for the brief hour and a half to 2 hours that these particular guests where in the restaurant, things went well, and rather quickly for a change, its just too bad that they can't come every night.

But then again, Michael sneezing in a tissue and then attempting to stuff it in my carrier pouch was less the appreciated. So I guess it's a give/take kind of thing.

Just a past reference, OCTA and King O' The Moon. I'll make this short and sweet because come next friday I'll have a reason to elaborate. King O' The Moon was a play that I was in that just ended its run at Chagrin Valley Little Theater, a sequel to a show they ran last season called Over The Tavern (which won alot of awards statewide at OCTA) and in it I had the lead role, whose name is Rudy Pazinski (wonder where I got my blog name??). The cast was incredible, both on and off stage, and unlike alot of casts I've been involved with is trying to stay relativly involved with each other which is amazingly cool.

OCTA, is the Ohio Community Theater Awards competition. Apparently, rumor leads us all to believe, well rumor and Julia Wolff, that our show may have the chance to join its predecessor in the record books, per se, and compete at OCTA this year. What that means is even though th show closed February 11th, come the end of June the cast will get back together to rehearse a specific scene, and then July 4th weekend, present that scene to judges who will be watching scenes from several community theaters in the region, and whoever wins that gets to go to the statewide competition in Columbus.

The toughest part though is this: The set. At OCTA you are given 10min to construct your set before your scene, and then 10min to break it down. Those judges are very strict on this because they have to sit through several good, but also some bad performances, and 20min of their time is wasted merely in set up and tear down alone.

Plus, Moon's set is anything but simple. It is an entire rural backyard in Buffalo, NY in the late 60s. You got the back of a house and tavern, a seperated garage, and inbetween a full-scale tree-house. Somehow that ahs to be put up, and down in 10min.

The judges have to sit through droll, and the set designers have to go through hell. All that plus the actors get to play stage crew too, and if they screw up even by a second, its over. And you thought high school sports were competitive.

Man, that doesn't sound like fun.

But you know what it DOES sound like?

Bitch work.

and that's the word.

~Rudy

Syrup and Novels...not a good game combo

Got two words for ya...

Maple

and

Story

My analysis proves the following:

Maple, through the associative thought process I tend to use, leads me to think of Maple Syrup, and its counterparts such as Strawberry, Boysonberry (A syrup that I will never truly be able to appreciate simply because it sounds like "Poison" berry), Blueberry and so on. Now these things are not bad, in fact, mostly because of my trip to IHOP earlier today, they hold a very fond place in my heart.

Quick side note: Go to IHOP soon! Right now that have an "All-You-Can-Eat Pancake Special", of course I found out the hard way that only applies to what you can eat BEFORE leaving the restaurant, and you can't take any of it with you. Also, on the 28th of this month they are giving away FREE pancakes, yes that's right, I'll say it again....FREE pancakes. Pretty sweet, eh? And don't cop out because you don't have enough time...IHOP is open 24/7 (or at least most are) so get you @$$ out there and start eating.

Getting back to my point, Maple, therefore is a happy word.

Now Story, also, has many pleasant associated words, so when thought of, each word, individually, is pretty cool.

Wondering where this is going? Don't you worry, all your questions will soon be destoryed...

BY ANSWERS!

Like this one:

When you put those two words together you get 1 of three results;

1) A book/magazine/newspaper with the pages stuck together (take that however you please)

2) StoryMaple

and

3) MapleStory

Of course, if you hadn't guessed I'm focusing on #3, which is quite possibly the most annoying, simple-minded, and addictive MMORPG on the internet today!

A MMORPG is a Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game...in laments terms a good excuse to slack off, or EvereQuest.

I have been playing this game for about a month now, and the sad thing is as much as I hate it, I cannot seem to stop playing. Its basically like a happy go lucky anime world where you can become anything from a Warrior to a Magician, and then you stroll around pummeling the crapola out of meandering mushrooms, snails, pigs and monkeys....with no goal in sight.

Its paradise for the unmedicated ADHD child in us all.

I've wasted hours upgraded my now level 13 mage named, get this, Xanthix (God only knows where I came up with that), only to find out that the main point of this game is to continue leveling up...and then level up some more. Maybe I'm new to MMORPGs, but how can you play a game without a plot, let alone an ending?

Regardless, now that my play is over its either MapleStory or work, and since work is nothing but a paid waste of my time, and an absolute killer to my feet (I may act on stage, but its tough to lug dishes around and stand on your feet for hours on end), I find myself MapleStorying far, far too often.

Maybe I should take up a new hobby...

like blogging.

~Rudy

Interesting read

So, I don't know what possessed me to try this, I tend to lack serious commitment to any writing tyhat requires me to right on some sort of schedule. Now I know that there is no requirement for me to post on time or anything, but people who actually read blogs (or rather people who have enough spare time to attempt to be ineterested in my blog) might come to ezxpect daily if not weekly ramblings on my life and its humorous, depressing, or insightful moments.

Well, I'll try my best, I promise. But history has a tendency to repeat itself, and if I can be literal enough and look at my FireFox history folder, there are several outdated and dead Xanga accounts that I currently own and haven't visited in quite sometime.

Either way, while signing up for this account I had to choose a template for colors and such, and before selecting the one you see in front of you, I got to view a sample site with it applied.

Now, it had a general photo, you know the unneeedingly attractive photograph, and little blurbs explaining what each and every text field is for. Except the field where the blog goes...

I originally was under the impression that the "example" had been from someones account who had not beeen on in awhile, and judging from the entries was somewhat foreign. Here's what it read:

" Trens roxas eis ti Plokeing quert loppe eis yop prexs. Piy opher hawers, eit yaggles orn ti sumbloat alohe plok. Su havo loasor cakso tgu pwuructs tyu InfuBwain, ghu gill nug bo suloly sispunsiblo fuw cakiw salo anr ristwibutiun. Hei muk neme eis loppe. Treas em wankeing ont sime ploked peish rof phen sumbloat syug si phat phey gavet peish ta paat ein pheeir sumbloats.

Aslu unaffoctor gef cak siructiun gill bo cak spiarshoot anet cak GurGanglo gur pwucossing pwutwam. Et tam neque pecun modut est neque nonor et imper ned libidig met, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed ut labore et dolore magna.

Aslu unaffoctor gef cak siructiun gill bo cak spiarshoot anet cak GurGanglo gur pwucossing pwutwam."

Wow. Wtff? (for those of you new to internet speak that means What-The-Flying-{Fill In Expletive of Choice Here})

They went out of there way to produce instructive material for the rest of the sample page, and instead of saving time and writing:

{Your Blog Entry Will Be Shown Here}

they spent time writing gibberish nonsense...

God I love the people in this country sometimes.

~Rudy Pazinski