On the importance of being important

Just something to think about with 2006 coming to an unavoidable close. Here, courtesy of MSN.com are the 50 greatest Inventions of our time...and I must say I agree:

In the past half-century, scientific and technological advances have transformed our world. PM convened a panel of 25 experts to identify innovations that have made the biggest impact, from the hospital to outer space to the kitchen. Here, then, are the breakthroughs of our time.

1955--TV REMOTE CONTROL: It marks the official end of humanity's struggle for survival and the beginning of its quest for a really relaxing afternoon. The first wireless remote, designed by Zenith's Eugene Polley, is essentially a flashlight. When Zenith discovers that direct sunlight also can change channels on the remote-receptive TVs, the company comes out with a model that uses ultrasound; it lasts into the 1980s, to the chagrin of many a family dog. The industry then switches to infrared.

1955--MICROWAVE OVEN: In 1945 Raytheon's Percy Spencer stands in front of a magnetron (the power tube of radar) and feels a candy bar start to melt in his pocket: He is intrigued. When he places popcorn kernels in front of the magnetron, the kernels explode all over the lab. Ten years later Spencer patents a "radar range" that cooks with high-frequency radio waves; that same year, the Tappan Stove Co. introduces the first home microwave model.

1955--POLIO VACCINE: The year Jonas Salk finds a way to prevent polio, there are 28,985 global cases; by 2005, the number drops to 1200.

1957--THREE-POINT SEATBELT: According to the U.S. Department of Transportation, more than 15,000 American lives are saved in 2005 by Nils Bohlin's device.

1957--BIRTH-CONTROL PILL: Enovid, a drug the FDA approves for menstrual disorders, comes with a warning: The mixture of synthetic progesterone and estrogen also prevents ovulation. Two years later, more than half a million American women are taking Enovid--and not all of them have cramps. In 1960 the FDA approves Enovid for use as the first oral contraceptive.

1958--JET AIRLINER: The Boeing 707-120 debuts as the world's first successful commercial jet airliner, ushering in the era of accessible mass air travel. The four-engine plane carries 181 passengers and cruises at 600 mph for up to 5280 miles on a full tank. The first commercial jet flight takes off from New York and lands in Paris; domestic service soon connects New York and Los Angeles.

1958--LASER BEAM: Whitens teeth, removes tattoos, corrects vision, scans groceries, tracks missiles.

1958--SUPER GLUE: Repairs a broken taillight, reassembles a vase, strengthens knots on a hammock, closes wounds, lifts fingerprints.

1959--FLOAT GLASS: There's a reason old windowpanes distort everything: They were made by rapidly squeezing a sheet of red-hot glass between two hot rollers, which produced a cheap but uneven pane. British engineer Alastair Pilkington revolutionizes the process by floating molten glass on a bath of molten tin--by nature, completely flat. The first factory to produce usable float glass opens in 1959; an estimated 90 percent of plate glass is still produced this way.

1961--CORDLESS TOOLS: Black and Decker releases its first cordless drill, but designers can't coax more than 20 watts from its NiCd batteries. Instead, they strive for efficiency, modifying gear ratios and using better materials. The revolutionary result puts new power in the hands of DIYers and--thanks to a NASA contract--the gloves of astronauts.

1961--INDUSTRIAL ROBOT: The Unimate, the first programmable industrial robot, is installed on a General Motors assembly line in New Jersey. Conceived by George C. Devol Jr. to move and fetch things, the invention gets a lukewarm reception in the United States. Japanese manufacturers love it and, after licensing the design in 1968, go on to dominate the global market for industrial robots.

1962--COMMUNICATIONS SATELLITE: Telstar is launched as the first "active" communications satellite--active as in amplifying and retransmitting incoming signals, rather than passively bouncing them back to Earth. Telstar makes real a 1945 concept by science fiction author Arthur C. Clarke, who envisioned a global communications network based on geosynchronous satellites. Two weeks after Telstar's debut, President Kennedy holds a press conference in Washington, D.C., that is broadcast live across the Atlantic.

1962--VIDEO GAMES: MIT programmers write Spacewar; 43 years later 89 percent of school-age kids own video games.

1962--LED: Working as a consultant for General Electric, Nick Holonyak develops the light-emitting diode (LED), which provides a simple and inexpensive way for computers to convey information. From their humble beginnings in portable calculators, LEDs spread from the red light that indicates coffee is brewing to the 290-ft.-tall Reuters billboard in Times Square.

1964--UNMANNED AERIAL VEHICLES: Widespread use of remotely piloted aircraft begins during the Vietnam War with deployment of 1000 AQM-34 Ryan Firebees. The first model of these 29-ft.-long planes was developed in just 90 days in 1962. AQM-34s go on to fly more than 34,000 surveillance missions. Their success leads to the eventual development of the Unmanned Aerial Vehicles widely used today.

THE COMPUTER AGE

The phrase "dot com" enters our language in the 1990s, but the sequence of innovations that leads to the Internet goes back at least 40 years.

The first general-purpose computer, the nearly 30-ton ENIAC (1947), contains 18,000 vacuum tubes, 70,000 resistors and 10,000 capacitors. In 1959, the INTEGRATED CIRCUIT puts those innards on one tiny chip. Before the entire world is networked, there is the ARPANET--four computers linked in 1969. It introduces the concept of "packet switching," which simultaneously delivers messages as short units and reassembles them at their destination. The Apple II, Commodore Pet and Radio Shack's TRS-80 are introduced in 1977--four years before IBM, soon to become synonymous with the term "PC," unveils its PERSONAL COMPUTER. In 1989, Sir Tim Berners-Lee creates "hypertext markup language" (HTML) to make Web pages and the "Uniform Resource Locator" (URL) to identify where information is stored. These breakthroughs form the foundation of the WORLD WIDE WEB.

1964--MUSIC SYNTHESIZER: Robert Moog develops the first electronic synthesizer to make the leap from machine to musical instrument. Moog's device not only generates better sounds than other synthesizers, it can be controlled by a keyboard rather than by punch cards. The subsequent acceptance of electronic music is a crucial step in developing audio technology for computers, cellphones and stereos.

1966--HIGH-YIELD RICE: The International Rice Research Institute in the Philippines releases a semi-dwarf, high-yield Indica variety that, in conjunction with high-yield wheat, ushers in the Green Revolution. Indica rice thrives in tropical regions of Asia and South America, raising worldwide production more than 20 percent by 1970.

1969--SMOKE DETECTOR: Randolph Smith and Kenneth House patent a battery-powered smoke detector for home use. Later models rely on perhaps the cheapest nuclear technology you can own: a chunk of americium-241. The element's radioactive particles generate a small electric current. If smoke enters the chamber it disrupts the current, triggering an alarm.

1969--CHARGE-COUPLED DEVICE: Bell Labs' George Smith and Willard Boyle invent a charge-coupled device (CCD) that can measure light arriving at a rate of just one photon per minute. Smith and Boyle's apparatus allows extremely faint images to be recorded, which is very useful in astronomy. Today, its most noticeable impact is in digital cameras, which rely on CCD arrays containing millions of pixels.

1970--DIGITAL MUSIC: James Russell, a scientist with the Pacific Northwest National Laboratory, invents the first digital-to-optical recording and playback system, in which sounds are represented by a string of 0s and 1s and a laser reads the binary patterns etched on a photosensitive platter. Russell isn't able to convince the music industry to adopt his invention, but 20 years later, Time Warner and other CD manufacturers pay a $30 million patent infringement settlement to Russell's former employer, the Optical Recording Co.

1971--WAFFLE-SOLE RUNNING SHOES: Bill Bowerman, the track coach at the University of Oregon, sacrifices breakfast for peak performance when he pours rubber into his wife's waffle iron, forming lightweight soles for his athletes' running shoes. Three years later, Bowerman's company, Nike, introduces the Waffle Trainer, which is an instant hit.

N THEIR WORDS
1962 Computer Mouse: "I don't know why we call it a mouse. It started that way, and we never changed it." --Doug Engelbart, engineer, Stanford Research Institute, 1968
1969 Automated Teller Machine: "On Sept. 2, our bank will open at 9:00 and never close again!" --Long Island branch of Chemical Bank, advertisement from 1969
1973 Cellphone: "Joel, I'm calling you from a real cellular phone." --Martin Cooper, leader of Motorola's cellphone team, to Joel Engel, research head of rival AT&T's Bell Labs, April 3, 1973
1978 In-Vitro Fertilization: "We'd love to have children of our own one day. That would be such a dream come true." --Louise Brown Mullinder, the first test-tube baby, on her wedding day, in 2003
1979 Sony Walkman: "This is the product that will satisfy those young people who want to listen to music all day." --Akio Morita, Sony Chairman, February 1979

RADICAL FIBERS

From easy-on shoes to lighter tennis rackets and stronger planes, revolutionary materials have changed our lives.

In 1955, Patent No. 2,717,437 is issued to George de Mestral for VELCRO, a fabric inspired by burrs that stick to his dog's fur. In 1961 researchers in Japan develop high-quality CARBON-FIBER COMPOSITES, capping a decade of experimentation with plastics reinforced by carbon fibers. Thanks to DuPont's Stephanie Kwolek and Herbert Blades, who in 1965 invent a high-strength polymer called KEVLAR, the body armor of 2920 police and correctional officers has protected them from fatal attacks. The term "FIBEROPTIC" is coined in 1956, but it isn't until 1970 that scientists at Corning produce a fiber of ultrapure glass that transmits light well enough to be used for telecommunications.

1972--ELECTRONIC IGNITION: Chrysler paves the way for the era of electronic--rather than mechanical--advances in automobiles with the electronic ignition. It leads to electronic control of ignition timing and fuel metering, harbingers of more sophisticated systems to come. Today, these include electronic control transmission shift points, antilock brakes, traction control systems, steering and airbag deployment.

1973--MRI: Everyone agrees that magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) is a brilliant invention--but no one agrees on who invented it. The physical effect that MRIs rely on--nuclear magnetic resonance--earns various scientists Nobel Prizes for physics in 1944 and 1952. Many believe that Raymond Damadian establishes the machine's medical merit in 1973, when he first uses magnetic resonance to discern healthy tissue from cancer. Yet, in 2003, the Nobel Prize for medicine goes to Peter Lauterbur and Peter Mansfield for their "seminal discoveries." The topic of who is the worthiest candidate remains hotly debated.

1978--GPS: The first satellite in the modern Navstar Global Positioning System (GPS) is launched. (The GPS's precursor, TRANSIT, was developed in the early 1960s to guide nuclear subs.) It is not until the year 2000, though, that President Clinton grants nonmilitary users access to an unscrambled GPS signal. Now, cheap, handheld GPS units can determine a person's location to within 3 yards.

1978--GENETIC ENGINEERING: Produces insulin, creates vaccines, clones sheep, increases shelf life of tomatoes, manipulates human cells to prevent disease.

1981--SCANNING TUNNELING MICROSCOPE: By moving the needle of the scanning tunneling microscope (STM) across a surface and monitoring the electric current that flows through it, scientists can map a surface to the level of single atoms. The STM is so precise that it not only looks at atoms--it also can manipulate them into structures. The microscope's development earns IBM researchers Gerd Binnig and Heinrich Rohrer a Nobel Prize and helps launch the emerging era of nanotechnology.

1984--DNA FINGERPRINTING: Molecular biologist Alec Jeffreys devises a way to make the analysis of more than 3 billion units in the human DNA sequence much more manageable by comparing only the parts of the sequence that show the greatest variation among people. His method quickly finds its way into the courts, where it is used to exonerate people wrongly accused of crimes and to finger the true culprits.

LIFESAVERS

Over the past 50 years, a few pivotal medical discoveries have helped to boost adult life expectancy dramatically.

In 1956, Wilson Greatbatch grabs the wrong resistor and connects it to a device he is building to record heartbeats. When the circuit emits a pulse, he realizes the device can be used to control the beat; in 1960 the first PACEMAKER is successfully implanted in a human. Rene Favaloro performs the first CORONARY BYPASS SURGERY in 1967, taking a length of vein from a leg and grafting it onto the coronary artery. This allows blood to flow around the blocked section. Thanks in part to these advances, the number of deaths from heart disease declines in the U.S. by almost 50 percent. The outlook for people infected by HIV also dramatically changes. The FDA approves Invirase, the first of a class of drugs called HIV PROTEASE INHIBITORS, in 1995. By blocking the function of enzymes used in the virus's replication, the inhibitors can reduce HIV to undetectable levels for sustained periods in up to 90 percent of patients.

1985--POLYMERASE CHAIN REACTION: Biochemist Kary Mullis invents a technique that exploits enzymes in order to make millions of copies of a tiny scrap of DNA quickly and cheaply. No matter how small or dried-out a bloodstain is, forensic scientists can now gather enough genetic material to do DNA fingerprinting. With PCR, doctors also can search for trace amounts of HIV genetic code to diagnose infection much sooner than by conventional methods.

1987--PROZAC: Prozac becomes the first in a new class of FDA-approved antidepressants called "selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors," which block the reabsorption of the mood-elevating neurotransmitter serotonin, thereby prolonging its effects. Though at times controversial, Prozac helps patients cope with clinical depression, reshaping our understanding of how personality and emotion can be chemically controlled. Within five years, 4.5 million Americans are taking Prozac--making it the most widely accepted psychiatric drug ever.

1998--GENETIC SEQUENCING: Scientist Craig Venter announces that his company will sequence the entire human genome in just three years and for only $300 million--12 years and $2 billion less than a federally funded project established to do the same thing. Venter uses a method called "shotgun sequencing" to make automated gene sequencers, instead of relying on the laborious approach used by the government program. The result is an acrimonious race to the finish, which ends in a tie. Both groups announce the completion of the human genome sequence in papers published in 2001.

1998--MP3 PLAYER: Depending on who you ask, the MP3 is either the end of civilization (record companies) or the dawn of a new world (everyone else). The Korean company Saehan introduces its MPMan in 1998, long before Apple asks, "Which iPod are you?" When the Diamond Rio hits the shelves a few months later, the Recording Industry Association of America sues--providing massive publicity and a boost to digital technology.

2002--IEEE 802.16: The geniuses at the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers publish a wireless metropolitan area network standard that functions like Wi-Fi on steroids. An 802.16 antenna can transmit Internet access up to a 30-mile radius at speeds comparable to DSL and cable broadband. When it all shakes out, 802.16 could end up launching developing nations into the digital age by eliminating the need for wired telecommunications infrastructure.

FORWARD DRIVE

With 196 million licensed drivers in the U.S., a little automotive innovation can conserve a whole lot of oil.

The fuel cell goes back more than 150 years, and the first FUEL CELL VEHICLE--a 20-hp tractor--is built in 1959. But it isn't until 1993 that a Canadian company, Ballard Power Systems, demonstrates the first zero-emissions fuel cell bus. Since then, progress toward an economically viable fuel cell car has remained slow but steady. Likewise, Ferdinand Porsche wins his class at the 1902 Exelberg Hill-Climb in Austria in a front-wheel-drive HYBRID-ELECTRIC CAR. But it is almost a century later, in 1997, that Toyota surprises its rivals by unveiling the hybrid Prius to Japanese consumers. It takes nearly three years for the Prius to reach North America.

Of course they did leave out video games, but hey, no list is perfect

Have a great holiday and happy new year folks

On The True Conundrum Behind Selecting The Appropriate Deep-Fried Snack

Here is a short convo between my friend Chad and I

LuNaTiK 48: i really want a doughnut
FrozenBlaze911: go look in the mirror haha
FrozenBlaze911: :-P
FrozenBlaze911: j/k j/k
LuNaTiK 48: i am a fuckin doughnut
FrozenBlaze911: do u have 1 in the house?
LuNaTiK 48: nope
FrozenBlaze911: then I believe you have a conundrum
FrozenBlaze911: which
FrozenBlaze911: my friend
FrozenBlaze911: is not a thing like a doughnt
LuNaTiK 48: damn it
LuNaTiK 48: can i eat a conundrum
FrozenBlaze911: no
FrozenBlaze911: you can't
LuNaTiK 48: oh...:-(
LuNaTiK 48: i am making this silly little mexican dish
LuNaTiK 48: called taquitos
FrozenBlaze911: but you can eat a taquito
FrozenBlaze911: hey taquitoes kick ass
FrozenBlaze911: r they the chicken ones?
LuNaTiK 48: i think they are beef ones
FrozenBlaze911: however, fi they are the frozen ones I am thinking of
LuNaTiK 48: but i put cheese on them
FrozenBlaze911: they r gunna give you one nasty case of the shits
LuNaTiK 48: yay!
FrozenBlaze911: which, in itself, is another inedible, and unpleasent conundrum
LuNaTiK 48: lol

Gotta love a good convo between friends...haha

On agnosticism losing faith in times most crucial

They say Justice Is Blind....I say she's simply turning the other cheek.

In case you haven't set foot near a TV or radio within the last week, heres an interesting bit of newsfeed that proves George W. Bush isn't the only dumb american out there today.

According to several sources, mine specifically, at this point, being Slate Magazine, "Later this month, O.J. Simpson will appear on Fox in a two-hour special called If I Did It, Here's How It Happened. According to a news release, Simpson will explain "how he would have carried out the murders he has vehemently denied committing for over a decade."

Must....fight....urge....can't...overreact....

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?

Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

Regardless, can anyone please tell me what the hell has happend to our country?

I mean besides the fact that:

- we supposedly elected Bush to one term, saw our mistake and somehow elected him to another term
- went into an unending war in Iraq over WMDs that don't exist
- turned the entire world's attention on us (mind you 99% of that attention was negative to begin with, now its just more negative)
- Have the largest economic defecit in a long time but can charge anywhere in the range of $2.25-$3.00 a gallon for gas, and allow an ex-starship captain, an obsessive compulsive washed-up comedian, and an ex-family tv star (plus god knows how many scantily clad women) to give away hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars nightly on shows like "Deal or No Deal?"
- Totally sold our morals to watch people eat pig testicals and pretend to be in love for the million dollar grandprize and 15min of fame and marriage (both of which end nearly simultaneously) on Reality TV shows (which thankfully are slowly declining)
- And totally ignore the fact that more children sit around and watch the smut that MTV and BET pump out on a daily basis during the most developmental stages in their lives instead of watching even 5min of news a day, and can more easily give you a discography of Christina Augilera then point out Canada on map

We must've made some kind of positive leap in the last decade.....right?

No.

No we have not, because now it is ok for someone who, while being aquitted of murder, was plainly guilty, to pick up the Bill of Rights and basically wipe their ass with it.

I mean, O.J. Simpson is basically doing 1 of 3 things here.

1) Rubbing our own stupidity in our faces.

He's guilty. He knows it. We know it. However the 12 or so people on the jury of his case, did not know it. Because of that he got off scot-free. Ok, big deal, our law system is not flawless, some might say. But, if this is essentially what he is doing, then he deserves to be an exception to the rule of "double jeopardy." Just because he knows he cannot be tried again does not mean he has the right to go on TV, or even write a book and say "Well, I mean, I didn't kill those people....but, and only but, if I HAD done it....here's basically what MIGHT have happend." I mean come on...are we really THAT stupid?

Apparently, otherwise the double jeopardy clause on the Bill of Rights wouldn't exist.

Lets simplify this for you.

You broke your mom's favorite lamp. She asked you who did it, and you blame it on your younger sibling. Your mom takes your word for it, and your scot-free. Now, just to make sure theres no suspicion on you, you take your mom's trust for granted and say "I didn't break the lamp, I promise, but if I DID break the lamp, let me tell you how it MIGHT have happend."

Now typically your mom would be like "Ok, you're definitly guilty, go to your room." and off you'd go to be punished.

But in the case, your mom has decided that once you have gone unpunished for doing something wrong, you cannot be punished for it in the future, even if you confess your crime....it would be alot of fun to get away with something then confess, now wouldn't it??

2) Someone has a guilty conscience

Maybe John Edwards was over O.J. Simpson's house for dinner one night and all of a sudden channeled a spirit? Maybe someone knows something they shouldn't know? Maybe, perhaps, he just realized that murdering your wife and her lover in cold blood is wrong afterall, and that he may, in fact, be guilty.

Regardless, this could be a feeble attempt of trying to justify his guilt by not necessarily admitting his guilt, but by coming clean in a sense and admitting how he WOULD of done it HAD he actually done it....which of course he did, but why would he go as far as to say that exactly?

Then again, looking back on number one, even if he had....would it matter?

3) "CSI:Miami" and "Deal or No Deal" are beating the ever-living shit out of FOX

November Sweeps...CSI (all 3) are in full swing, and the company that makes Deal or No Deal has put out 2 even more successful game shows "1 vs. 100" and "Show Me the Money". None of this, however, has happend on FOX....

Yah they have Family Guy and the Simpsons (the cartoon, not the murderer), and yah House may be so hip that his name ought to be changed to Cribs, but I mean their only other true income source, other then pure right-wing propoganda news, is American Idol, and unless Paula and Simon finally have intercourse on the judges table next season I don't even know if that'll spawn ratings....(attn FOX, I'm willing to sell you the rights that idea....lemme know...we'll do lunch).

So what better way to get ratings then to have O.J. Simpson come on the air and do 2 one-hour specials that re-enact his book (which is published by ReganBooks a subsidiary of News Corporation, which in turn also owns FOX) and basically stir up people like myself who cannot believe what they are watching, and people who are normally the subjects of interest on wonderful shows like "Cops" "Court TV" and "The Jerry Springer Show."

All I know is that I have found yet another reason to frown when I hear the words "America The Beautiful" and I will unfortunately HAVE to watch this program on FOX when it airs, because, if and when we pull our heads out of our asses, and finally see the light of day again, I want to make sure I've seen all the evidence that will very neatly and consicely be brought up against Mr.Simpson when true justice is finally being served.

Or, at least, be able to tell my grandkids that I was there when justice was no longer blind, but instead, turned her head away.

- A Very Disappointed Citizen

Gotta love the sunday comics

In case you can't read what that says, the mobster is saying "Da boss says to break a leg..."

and the box says "Why Mafia and Musical Theater don't mix."

I just thought that that was hilariously true.

wow its been forever since my last post :-\

The ABCs of "Dee-Dee-Dee"

Alright folks, when you come across a gem, you have to pass it on....you just can't keep such great humor to yourself.

Therefore, I pass this along to you all.

I have had a theme so far about being disappointed about the educations system here in America, here is more solid proof....

If you don't catch my point, after reading this...realize that even though he turned this in 9whoever he is) he still passed he got a 62% I think.


http://www.eng.usf.edu/~dionson/ezzay/

~Rudy

When "No News" is better then "Any Old News At All"

Alright, so I have to put a disclaimer before I start this blog off here.

Disclaimer: Joke all you wish but I do not know what drew my attention to this article on MSN.com. Whenever I log online I like to browse the daily news stories for the odd and slightly obscene and this story just so happened to be there. Don't read into more then that.

Anyway, I was surfing MSN.com when I came across this article:

"BOSTON - A Massachusetts correctional officer is being disciplined for showing the gay cowboy movie ”Brokeback Mountain” to inmates at the state’s largest prison because his boss determined that the film includes content inappropriate for a prison setting.

Massachusetts Department of Correction spokeswoman Diane Wiffin said Saturday that the action was not related to the critically acclaimed film’s plot involving a gay love affair.
“It was not the subject matter. It was the graphic nature of sexually explicit scenes,” Wiffin said.

She said the officer, whom she declined to identify, failed to follow prison guidelines that require staff who schedule films to review them in advance for excessive violence, nudity or sex, as well as scenes involving assaults on correctional staff.

The officer showed the film on Thursday afternoon, two days after its American release on DVD, to inmates at a prison in Norfolk, Massachusetts, about 25 miles southwest of Boston.

Wiffin declined to discuss his punishment.

Based on Annie Proulx’s short story, “Brokeback Mountain” is about two men who meet and fall in love while wrangling sheep in Wyoming in 1963. It won raves from critics and garnered three Oscars last month, including one for director Ang Lee."

So basically, being a published writer/journalist from time to time, I had to, for lack of a better pun "rip this {article} a "new one"". Here are some things this article left me with:

1) They must have wall-mounted liquid-soap dispensers in Massachusetts State Penitentary Showers.

The Boston, Mass. Prison system is in heavy denial about the facts that their prisoners are "brokeback mount-ing" each other on a daily (or nightly, not really my business to care) basis. I mean c'mon, gay cowboy sex..."content innapropriate for a prison setting"?

2) Diane Wiffin is a fucking moron.

In fact, she wins the first ever Rudy's Blog Fucking Moron Award. I mean, of course kudos to her for thinking that anyone would believe that “It was not the subject matter. It was the graphic nature of sexually explicit scenes," I mean that is nearly Bush-worthy, but c'mon. When she decided to punish her employee for his choice, its very apprent she was unprepared for it to become press-worthy. Its a pity that like me, many other readers found humor in this because of the stereotype of gay prison sex, but the fact that she had even the slightest incling that that lame ass excuse would be sufficient is what earns her today's award.

Diane, think of it this way: You have a prison full of convitcs (murderers, rapists, and general felons to name a few). Because of their currently incarcerated state, they only have a few entertainment options ranging from playing cards, sleeping, eating, watching CABLE TELEVISION, and finding Jesus. Such wonderful cable television as The Jerry Springer Show, which, on a daily basis has themes much less-prison appropriate in nature, but not necessarily subject matter, then an artsy movie about gay cowboys. So therefore, I have a feeling that Brokeback Mountain, dare I say, cultured them a bit...

3) Kudos to the Associated Press for never missing a beat when it comes to putting unecessary jokes in their columns.

This story is really, in my opinion a joke on capital punishment. What's more punishing for an inmate to watch a movie about people of the same sex who actually LOVE each other having sex? Nothing, especially when these guys end up being each others bitches simply because they have nothing better to do. I mean its not a fact, but I haven't heard otherwise.

Also, Wiffin didn't comment on the guards punishment. Lets see, an article about prisons, gay sex and gay cowboys...with a comment like "Wiffin declined to discuss his punishment." after you've already soaked up all the other info in the article only leads you to make a joke out of what his punishment could have possibly been.

Lets just say it was on the "down low"

Bravo AP, Bravo.

~Rudy

What Came First, the Idiot or the Question?

Alright, so I haven't posted in quite sometime, and have been sitting on a really good story from my old job, so I figure why not share it. Now of course, not all of you may find this funny, but if you are looking for a really good reason to be ashamed of being American, then please read on.

Ever have one of those moments where you're standing around, or watching TV, and you catch the last teensy-weensy (yes, thats right, I said teensy-weensy...bite me) bit of a news broadcast or some assumedly educated person's conversation? And as you catch that little last bit you listen so attentivly that you now feel that without hearing the whole story, you are now able to pretend to be educated on the subject as well, whatever it may be?

Well, news flash. Next time check your facts before you go sharing them.

Here's how it went down boys and girls...

It was a monday night, real slow at the old restaurant, and I was standing at the bar waiting for a table to clean, when out of nowhere we fellow busboy comes up next to me, grabs a lemon-wedge in his left hand, a lime-wedge in his right hand, and allows this gem from the slow, leaky drip of idiocy from his brain to leak out of his mouth:

(The following convo is as best as I can remember it)

Him: "Hey, I bet you didn't know this"

Me: "Know what?"

Him: (with a big grin on his face) "I bet you didn't know that limes" (raises lime for effect, I suppose) "are nuttin' more then unripe lemons" (raises lemon)

Me: (Not entirely sure if he is really that stupid or just REALLY bored) "Haha. Wait, what?"

Him: (Even bigger staisfied grin now) "See, I told ya you didn't know! Limes are just unripe lemons!"

**At this point I could have very well walked away laughing, or, to save face for him at least, given him the "oooook, whatever" and still walked away. But, I was bored, and planned on quitting soon anyway, so I figured, as long as I'm being paid 6.50 an hour, I may as well enjoy it.**

Me: (Preparing to knock on his head to see if its hollow) "No. No, they're not. They're two completely different fruits."

Him: "Nuh-uh! No they ain't."

Me: "Yeah, they are, they are both citrus, but they don't even grow from the same tree."

**Alright, so at this point let me ask you this. If you were him would you:
A) Say "Fuck you" and walk away
B) Say "Whatever and walk away
C) Just walk away
D) Continue the argument, supplying what you think to be even more proof of your point?

In case you're curious, he chose D**

Him: "Aight, look, what color is a fruit when it ain't ripe yet?"

Me: (Seeing where he is going with this, and humoring him for my own enjoyment) "Green."

Him: (Thinking hes gaining the upper hand) "Alright, see...and how about this...which is smaller, a lemon or a lime?"

Me: "Lime."

Him: "See? Its smaller cuz it ain't ripe yet!"

Me: (Deciding that proving him wrong is now not only a necessity, but a community service) "Alright, first off, look at the inside of the fruit, they don't look the same. Secondly, they don't grow on the same trees, and thirdly ask anybody else here and they'll tell you you're wrong."

**After making that assumption I was more praying for myself then for him, because the caliber of co-worker I had could have easily let me down at this point**

Him: (turning towards a female server) "Alright, hey, ain't a lime just an unripe lemon?"

Her: "No. Are you stupid?" (she began to laugh as he started his explination again)

Him: "Whatever, I know I'm right."

Me: (Finally deciding that its due time to make some money) "Fine, I'll bet you the 3 dollars in my back pocket you are wrong."

Him: "Hell, I'll bet you $1,000 I'm right."

**Ok, so maybe I'm a bad person for accepting this bet. In our state a handshake is a legally binding verbal agreement. Did I give him too much credit in assuming he knew this, or knew he had no idea and took advantage of him?

So maybe I'm a worse person for making him shake on it. Shoot me!**

Me: (After shaking his hand, asking several co-workers who all proved my point) "See, you're wrong, and now you owe me $1,000! That's like 4 paycheck, sweet!"

Him: (Now realizing that after he heard his trippy little friends lemon/lime debate he probably should have this astounding knowledge to himself) "I don't owe you shit."

Me: "Yah, but in Ohio a handshake is merely an unripe legally binding contract!" (Yes, I could barely get that one out without laughing)

Him: (trying to save some serious face) "Fine take me to court, I'll shoot yo' ass. I was just kidding anyway, it was one of them rhetorical questions."

Me: (realizing this convo is going make me die from laughter if I don't end it soon) "Ok first off it wasn't even a question, it was a statement, and secondly it definitly wasn't rhetorical...do you even know what rhetorical means?"

Him: (Getting very angry) "You know what? Fuck you!" (and he stormed away)

**ah, finally, option "A"**

So yah, that was quite a night at work...I really needed a good laugh too. But I can't just thank him, I think I have to thank, in part, the American education system. I mean he was my age so he had been through grades K-12 and had graduated high school, so I mean that should be proof of the top-notch level of education these facilities are pumping out.

Regardless, God bless america, and the several foreign islands that, one day, after fully-ripening, can become huge, full-fledged continents as great as the one we live in!

-Rudy

Signs of the Apocalypse #678

Here's something that might catch all y'alls interest.

http://www.mathcaddy.com/windowsxpbootsonamac!!!!1/

It's the end of the world as we know it.

Enjoy.

~Rudy

The Dudzys

Yes, thats right, some people can't wait for the Grammy Awards, other people live, eat and breath the Oscar Ceremonies...but here in my humble abode, I was proud to be host last evening to a rare, once in a lifetime event the aptly named "Dudzy Awards"

What is a Dudzy Award?

Well basically we had the second-half of what was a cut short cast party for the cast of King O' The Moon at my house last night. The whole cast came together, and even though we've only be seperated about 2 weeks, it was really nice to see them all again. We sat around, ate pizza (courtesy of Pizza Pan and their buy 1 large pizza get 2 free deal), drank beer, watched the DVD of our show (basically turning our hard work into a semi-parody of MST3K) and I made a speech which included thanking everyone for their hard work and dedication on the show, as well as presenting each cast member a personalized "Cast CD" AND a personalized joke-award. Because the author of King O' The Moon's name is Tom Dudzick, these awards, as previously stated were aptly named "The Dudzy Awards".

Everyone really liked them, and even though most people reading this won't appreciate it, I'll recap the winners:

Char C. - The Underline, Underline, Underline Award
Bob F. - The "I Wish I Could Quit You" Award
Michael G. - The Rice Krispies Beginner Book Dictionary Awarfd
Emily G. - The "I'll Never Forget My Spanking Good Time In Florida" Award
Ben D. - The True "King O' The MOON" Award
Stacy S. - The Mary Kay Buns O' Steele Award

and since, I could not make an award for myself, my fellow cast members awarded me an unexpected Dudzy of my own...

Rudy P. - Making The End of a Marraige Rhyme with "Clitoris" Award

I didn't write it, I'm just sharing it with you all.

Either way it was great to see them all again, and Michael and Emily spent the night, deciding to join me today on my radio show JB and Dan In The Morning on Black Squirrel Radio out of Kent, OH.

If you ever want to listen to that, and you are actually amongst the awake and living at 8am to 10am on a saturday morning (thats Eastern Standard Time), all you have to do is this...

1. Open Windows Media Player (ITunes if you're a MAC user)
2.Go to file (at this point you're on your own with ITunes, sorry)
3. Click "Open URL"
4. Insert "http://streamer.jmc.kent.edu"(make sure you don't copy the " ")
5.Listen, enjoy, and possibly call in to talk with us.

It's that easy.

Either way, I'm exhausted, and hungry so it Scooby-Doo Mac & Cheese, and then bed for me cuz, even though I'm ill, I have work tomorrow!

~Rudy

Its about time

Ah, yah see that? Huh, do you ya? You see that right there, below this post but above Blog #5???

if you don't see anything, then you see exactly what I'm talking about.

Like I said in my first blog I have a really hard time keeping commited to these things, and yesterday I was so exhausted when I got home from work, but I had alot of other things to do, and if I hand't decided to post the away message that had the link to this blog in it today, just minutes ago, I wouldn't even be writing this post.

But I must admit, this is kind of fun to do.

I'll probably update more late, however now I am ofdf to buy my copy of RENT on dvd!!

WooHoo!

A New Concept

Wow, I'm on break...for an hour and a half! That's awesome...but I guess its the least they can do for someone who has worked 27.5 hours so far in the first 4 days on the job (shooting for about 38-40hrs by the end of the week...yay overtime!)

Before I go clean up and get ready to head back heres a convo proving my boss's brilliance:

Me: Hey {My Boss}, do I have to shave all my facial hair?

My Boss: yes.

Me: Oh, so only servers can have goatees and beards?

My Boss: no.

Me: Well, some of them do, and I want to grow a goatee

My Boss: Well, you have to have one, I can't have you in the growing phases

Me: How else do you get a goatee though? You have to grow it to get it don't you?

At that point my boss turned around and walked away after giving me a confused look.

God I hate my job.

~Rudy

Today's Word is : Bitch Work

Alright, so the word today is "Bitch Work"

What does that mean do you ask? Well my definition of Bitch Work is the current job position I hold. I work at Abuelo's Mexican Food Embassy, a really fancy sounding name for a really basic, new to the market upscaled Taco Bell, with help whose IQ, discluding myself, adds up to probably a whopping 6, maybe 7, but that's being nice.

Instead of doing what I love, acting, and trying to make a living at it, I've taken the road less traveled, withdrawn from my univeristy for the remainder of the year, put a hold on acting altogether, and devoted my life to work...well, moreso making money...but in that pursuit, the bitch work I am currently enduring.

I have to bus tables, greet customers, clean up their dirty dishes in the back with my bare hands, and thats just starters. If you want to experience how that feels, go to a friends house for dinner, make sure its something messy like Sloppy Joes or Spaghetti, something that requires alot of fork/spoon-in-mouth and saliva action, if you're friends grandparents with the fake teeth can come thats always a plus, and then offer to clean their dishes. The catch, if not bad enough already is you can't use any sopa or water until you've used the silverware to remove all the food from all the plates, and you can't use your own, you have to use someone elses.

Fun, eh?

Along with that privlege, I'm on my feet for 7-8 hrs straight, have to take out immense amounts of garbage, and to top it all off when the restaurant closes at midnight, on average, I'm there till 1:30-2am folding silverware for the next day's work (tonight I got lucky and got out early).

The true definition of my job in one sentence? What you don't eat, I get to wear.

But it's not all bad, had some visitors tonight. Michael and Emily Gaare, close friends of mine who I had the amazing privlege of co-starring with on stage in King O' The Moon, more on that in a bit, as well as my parents, and surprislingly enough a woman whom I vaguely remembered, but who remembered me from King O' The Moon, and she made a special effort to inform me of such.

So for the brief hour and a half to 2 hours that these particular guests where in the restaurant, things went well, and rather quickly for a change, its just too bad that they can't come every night.

But then again, Michael sneezing in a tissue and then attempting to stuff it in my carrier pouch was less the appreciated. So I guess it's a give/take kind of thing.

Just a past reference, OCTA and King O' The Moon. I'll make this short and sweet because come next friday I'll have a reason to elaborate. King O' The Moon was a play that I was in that just ended its run at Chagrin Valley Little Theater, a sequel to a show they ran last season called Over The Tavern (which won alot of awards statewide at OCTA) and in it I had the lead role, whose name is Rudy Pazinski (wonder where I got my blog name??). The cast was incredible, both on and off stage, and unlike alot of casts I've been involved with is trying to stay relativly involved with each other which is amazingly cool.

OCTA, is the Ohio Community Theater Awards competition. Apparently, rumor leads us all to believe, well rumor and Julia Wolff, that our show may have the chance to join its predecessor in the record books, per se, and compete at OCTA this year. What that means is even though th show closed February 11th, come the end of June the cast will get back together to rehearse a specific scene, and then July 4th weekend, present that scene to judges who will be watching scenes from several community theaters in the region, and whoever wins that gets to go to the statewide competition in Columbus.

The toughest part though is this: The set. At OCTA you are given 10min to construct your set before your scene, and then 10min to break it down. Those judges are very strict on this because they have to sit through several good, but also some bad performances, and 20min of their time is wasted merely in set up and tear down alone.

Plus, Moon's set is anything but simple. It is an entire rural backyard in Buffalo, NY in the late 60s. You got the back of a house and tavern, a seperated garage, and inbetween a full-scale tree-house. Somehow that ahs to be put up, and down in 10min.

The judges have to sit through droll, and the set designers have to go through hell. All that plus the actors get to play stage crew too, and if they screw up even by a second, its over. And you thought high school sports were competitive.

Man, that doesn't sound like fun.

But you know what it DOES sound like?

Bitch work.

and that's the word.

~Rudy

Syrup and Novels...not a good game combo

Got two words for ya...

Maple

and

Story

My analysis proves the following:

Maple, through the associative thought process I tend to use, leads me to think of Maple Syrup, and its counterparts such as Strawberry, Boysonberry (A syrup that I will never truly be able to appreciate simply because it sounds like "Poison" berry), Blueberry and so on. Now these things are not bad, in fact, mostly because of my trip to IHOP earlier today, they hold a very fond place in my heart.

Quick side note: Go to IHOP soon! Right now that have an "All-You-Can-Eat Pancake Special", of course I found out the hard way that only applies to what you can eat BEFORE leaving the restaurant, and you can't take any of it with you. Also, on the 28th of this month they are giving away FREE pancakes, yes that's right, I'll say it again....FREE pancakes. Pretty sweet, eh? And don't cop out because you don't have enough time...IHOP is open 24/7 (or at least most are) so get you @$$ out there and start eating.

Getting back to my point, Maple, therefore is a happy word.

Now Story, also, has many pleasant associated words, so when thought of, each word, individually, is pretty cool.

Wondering where this is going? Don't you worry, all your questions will soon be destoryed...

BY ANSWERS!

Like this one:

When you put those two words together you get 1 of three results;

1) A book/magazine/newspaper with the pages stuck together (take that however you please)

2) StoryMaple

and

3) MapleStory

Of course, if you hadn't guessed I'm focusing on #3, which is quite possibly the most annoying, simple-minded, and addictive MMORPG on the internet today!

A MMORPG is a Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game...in laments terms a good excuse to slack off, or EvereQuest.

I have been playing this game for about a month now, and the sad thing is as much as I hate it, I cannot seem to stop playing. Its basically like a happy go lucky anime world where you can become anything from a Warrior to a Magician, and then you stroll around pummeling the crapola out of meandering mushrooms, snails, pigs and monkeys....with no goal in sight.

Its paradise for the unmedicated ADHD child in us all.

I've wasted hours upgraded my now level 13 mage named, get this, Xanthix (God only knows where I came up with that), only to find out that the main point of this game is to continue leveling up...and then level up some more. Maybe I'm new to MMORPGs, but how can you play a game without a plot, let alone an ending?

Regardless, now that my play is over its either MapleStory or work, and since work is nothing but a paid waste of my time, and an absolute killer to my feet (I may act on stage, but its tough to lug dishes around and stand on your feet for hours on end), I find myself MapleStorying far, far too often.

Maybe I should take up a new hobby...

like blogging.

~Rudy

Interesting read

So, I don't know what possessed me to try this, I tend to lack serious commitment to any writing tyhat requires me to right on some sort of schedule. Now I know that there is no requirement for me to post on time or anything, but people who actually read blogs (or rather people who have enough spare time to attempt to be ineterested in my blog) might come to ezxpect daily if not weekly ramblings on my life and its humorous, depressing, or insightful moments.

Well, I'll try my best, I promise. But history has a tendency to repeat itself, and if I can be literal enough and look at my FireFox history folder, there are several outdated and dead Xanga accounts that I currently own and haven't visited in quite sometime.

Either way, while signing up for this account I had to choose a template for colors and such, and before selecting the one you see in front of you, I got to view a sample site with it applied.

Now, it had a general photo, you know the unneeedingly attractive photograph, and little blurbs explaining what each and every text field is for. Except the field where the blog goes...

I originally was under the impression that the "example" had been from someones account who had not beeen on in awhile, and judging from the entries was somewhat foreign. Here's what it read:

" Trens roxas eis ti Plokeing quert loppe eis yop prexs. Piy opher hawers, eit yaggles orn ti sumbloat alohe plok. Su havo loasor cakso tgu pwuructs tyu InfuBwain, ghu gill nug bo suloly sispunsiblo fuw cakiw salo anr ristwibutiun. Hei muk neme eis loppe. Treas em wankeing ont sime ploked peish rof phen sumbloat syug si phat phey gavet peish ta paat ein pheeir sumbloats.

Aslu unaffoctor gef cak siructiun gill bo cak spiarshoot anet cak GurGanglo gur pwucossing pwutwam. Et tam neque pecun modut est neque nonor et imper ned libidig met, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed ut labore et dolore magna.

Aslu unaffoctor gef cak siructiun gill bo cak spiarshoot anet cak GurGanglo gur pwucossing pwutwam."

Wow. Wtff? (for those of you new to internet speak that means What-The-Flying-{Fill In Expletive of Choice Here})

They went out of there way to produce instructive material for the rest of the sample page, and instead of saving time and writing:

{Your Blog Entry Will Be Shown Here}

they spent time writing gibberish nonsense...

God I love the people in this country sometimes.

~Rudy Pazinski